What Happens When You Treat a Narcissist the Way They Treat You?
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Narcissism is a term that has gained widespread use in recent years, often thrown around to describe self-centered behavior, but true narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) goes far beyond just someone being vain or selfish. It is a deeply ingrained pattern of arrogance, entitlement, lack of empathy, and the constant need for admiration.
When you find yourself entangled with a narcissist—whether in a personal relationship, friendship, or workplace—interactions can be emotionally draining and even destructive. Narcissists tend to treat others with manipulation, belittling behavior, and emotional disregard. But what happens if you decide to mirror their behavior and treat them the way they treat you? Let’s break it down.
Narcissistic Rage
One of the most immediate consequences of treating a narcissist the way they treat you is triggering what is known as “narcissistic rage.” When a narcissist feels slighted, challenged, or disrespected in any way—real or perceived—they often react explosively. Narcissistic rage can manifest in two ways: through outward aggression or passive-aggressive behavior.
By treating them with the same disregard or emotional coldness they show others, you’re effectively puncturing their inflated sense of self-worth. They may lash out with verbal attacks, accusations, or even attempts to publicly humiliate you. It’s their way of reclaiming control and asserting dominance. In more passive-aggressive forms, they might give you the silent treatment, sulk, or plot subtle ways to undermine you.
They Will Play the Victim
Narcissists are experts at flipping the script. If you decide to treat them as they treat you—whether it’s by ignoring their feelings, criticizing them, or refusing to cater to their demands—they will almost certainly play the victim. In their minds, they cannot fathom being in the wrong, and your attempts to mirror their behavior will be seen as unjust attacks.
They’ll craft a narrative where they are the innocent party and you are the aggressor. This victim role is a powerful tool that narcissists use to garner sympathy and rally others to their side. Friends, family, or coworkers might even be convinced to see the narcissist as the one who’s being wronged, leaving you isolated and frustrated.
They Will Seek to Punish You
A narcissist is unlikely to let things slide if they feel slighted. In their mind, they deserve special treatment, and anything less is intolerable. If you treat them the way they treat you, they will seek retribution. This can take the form of emotional manipulation, such as gaslighting, or in more severe cases, efforts to sabotage your reputation, career, or relationships.
They’ll use every tool at their disposal to reassert control over you, making you pay for what they perceive as a breach of their status and importance. In the workplace, this could mean undermining your efforts, taking credit for your ideas, or turning colleagues against you. In personal relationships, this might involve spreading rumors, withholding affection, or threatening to leave the relationship.
They Will Try to Outdo You
Narcissists see life as a competition, and they always need to come out on top. If you treat them the way they treat you, they may see this as a challenge. Instead of reflecting on their behavior, they will likely double down on their efforts to control, manipulate, or dominate you. This could mean escalating the toxic behavior you are already experiencing.
They might become more arrogant, more dismissive, or more controlling in an attempt to regain the upper hand. If you try to ignore their demands, they may become more insistent. If you criticize them, they may retaliate by criticizing you more harshly. The narcissist cannot tolerate being bested in any area, especially in terms of power and control.
They Will Cut You Off
One of the most telling traits of a narcissist is their ability to discard people without remorse when they no longer serve a purpose. If you become too difficult for them to manipulate or if mirroring their behavior causes too much damage to their fragile ego, they might simply cut you off. This is known as the “discard phase” in narcissistic relationships.
In the discard phase, the narcissist may ghost you, end the relationship, or cut off all contact without explanation. To them, relationships are transactional, and once you no longer feed their ego, you become disposable. This can be emotionally devastating, especially if you were deeply invested in the relationship, but it can also be liberating if you’ve been trapped in a cycle of emotional abuse.
They Will Never Change
Perhaps the most important lesson in treating a narcissist the way they treat you is realizing that it won’t lead to change. Narcissists have an incredibly limited capacity for self-reflection. Their sense of superiority prevents them from seeing their faults or empathizing with others.
Even if they experience brief moments of humility after facing consequences, they will not sustain these feelings or translate them into long-term behavioral change. Narcissism is a deeply ingrained personality disorder, and it’s unlikely that your mirroring behavior will lead to any real transformation. They will see you as the problem, not themselves.
You Risk Losing Yourself
One of the greatest dangers of engaging with a narcissist on their terms is that you risk losing your own sense of self. By mirroring their behavior—whether it’s coldness, manipulation, or cruelty—you might find yourself adopting toxic traits that you never intended to embody. Narcissists thrive in chaos, and engaging with them at their level can pull you into a destructive cycle that’s difficult to escape.
Maintaining your emotional well-being and integrity is key. Reacting to narcissistic behavior with the same tactics might feel satisfying in the short term, but it often leads to further conflict and personal distress. It’s important to set healthy boundaries, protect your mental health, and recognize when it’s time to disengage from a toxic relationship entirely.
Final Thoughts: Is It Worth It?
While it can be tempting to treat a narcissist the way they treat you, hoping to give them a taste of their own medicine, the reality is that this approach often backfires. Narcissists are wired to react with rage, manipulation, and a relentless need for control. They rarely reflect on their own behavior and are quick to shift blame onto others.
Rather than stooping to their level, the healthiest course of action is to set firm boundaries, limit contact where possible, and seek support from trusted friends, family, or professionals. Dealing with a narcissist requires emotional resilience, self-care, and the recognition that their behavior is a reflection of their inner turmoil, not of your worth.
By refusing to engage with their toxic patterns, you can preserve your own emotional well-being and avoid getting drawn into their endless cycle of manipulation and control.
Please consider making a donation to Silent Rights to enable us to keep helping victims of abuse and violence. You can make a donation through paypal here.
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