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The Myth of the Overworked Narcissist:

How Laziness Disguises Itself as Busyness

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If you’ve ever had a close relationship with a narcissist, you may be all too familiar with the phrase, “I’m sooo busy.” Whether it’s “Let me see if I can fit you into my busy schedule” or “I’m so tired, I work and work,” their constant complaints about how exhausted they are can be draining—especially when you know how little they actually do.

This pattern isn’t just a minor annoyance; it’s part of a much deeper issue. Narcissists are notorious for creating an image of themselves as hard workers or martyrs of over-commitment, but the truth is often quite the opposite. Many narcissists are remarkably lazy, using exaggerated claims of fatigue, illness, or busyness as a cover for their unwillingness to pull their own weight. Let’s break down how this manipulation works.

The Art of Exaggeration

Narcissists often claim to be overwhelmed by their responsibilities, but when you look closely, it becomes clear that they’re not actually doing as much as they pretend. Their “tiredness” is a smokescreen, a way to make themselves seem more important while minimizing your efforts.

Consider phrases like:

“I’m so exhausted, I work and work.”

“I’m juggling so much right now, I don’t know how I manage.”

These statements are meant to communicate two things: that their lives are unbelievably hard and that you should expect very little from them in return. It’s a clever trick to avoid taking responsibility. By constantly expressing how “busy” they are, they not only dodge their own responsibilities but also make you feel guilty for asking for anything more.

Why Narcissists Hate Pulling Their Own Weight

One of the core traits of narcissism is a sense of entitlement. Narcissists believe they deserve special treatment and that they’re above mundane tasks. They often see themselves as too important to engage in the everyday responsibilities that others manage without complaint. However, instead of openly admitting this, they create a façade of overwork.

Behind the scenes, many narcissists procrastinate, deliberately dragging their feet to avoid doing their fair share. They’ll say they’re “working on it” when in reality, they’re doing very little. When they finally do complete a task, it’s often with a great deal of fanfare to make their minimal efforts seem heroic.

In reality, narcissists are masters of inaction. They push responsibilities onto others—colleagues, partners, family members—while presenting themselves as the ones carrying the heaviest load. And when you inevitably do the things they’ve neglected, they act as though you’ve simply helped out their overburdened, hardworking selves.

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The Martyr Complex: Playing the Victim

Narcissists are also skilled at playing the martyr, a role that allows them to appear selfless and hardworking while hiding their inherent laziness. The martyr complex is a manipulation tactic: they present themselves as victims of their own circumstances, overworked and underappreciated, which shifts the focus away from their actual lack of effort.

They might say things like:

“I’m doing everything around here!”

“No one appreciates how much I sacrifice.”

“I guess I’ll just handle it myself, as usual.”

This martyring narrative is designed to make you feel guilty, so you’ll either step in to take over their workload or lower your expectations of them. It’s incredibly frustrating because, while they claim to be overburdened, they’re often doing very little—if anything at all.

How This Affects You

If you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, whether personal or professional, their constant claims of busyness and exhaustion can make you question your own sense of reality. You may start to wonder if you’re being too demanding or if you’re not pulling your weight, even when you know you’re doing more than your fair share.

Their laziness can also wear you down over time. You find yourself picking up the slack, taking on extra tasks, and bending over backward to accommodate their “busy” schedule, all while they continue to do the bare minimum. The worst part is, narcissists are rarely satisfied with your efforts. No matter how much you help, they’ll always act like you’re expecting too much.

Dealing with a Narcissist’s Laziness

The best way to handle this behavior is to set clear boundaries. Refuse to accept their inflated excuses for not doing their share, and avoid stepping in to rescue them when they procrastinate. It’s crucial to remember that their busyness is a façade designed to manipulate, not a reflection of their actual workload.

Don’t let yourself be drawn into their narrative of overwork and martyrdom. Keep your expectations reasonable but firm, and understand that their claims of busyness are more about avoiding responsibility than anything else. By recognizing their laziness for what it is, you can protect your own energy and sanity, refusing to get swept up in their self-created drama.

In the end, narcissists may seem like they’re always overworked and overwhelmed, but it’s just a performance. Their laziness hides behind the mask of busyness, and once you see through the act, you can start managing your relationship with them on your terms.

Please consider making a donation to Silent Rights to enable us to keep helping victims of abuse and violence. You can make a donation through paypal here.

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The Myth of the Overworked Narcissist:

How Laziness Disguises Itself as Busyness

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